Saturday, August 15, 2009

i try not to be too consistently pensive with my entires - it's a general rule i try to follow to avoid sounding too one-note, too emo. but perhaps one would find all my entries to be emo and/or obscure gibberish.

still, i can't help but want to write a pensive entry tonight. after an entire 4 month long vacation, i have one final weekend before the school term starts again. one can't help but wonder what have i accomplished this summer and if i have had the break i thought i needed and deserved.

planning orientation was a stupid mistake on my end. to try and recreate my council experience. i experienced a lot of angst and was often indignant through out the camp. most of the time i was vindicated. all these negativity i could do without. to summarise the experience, it was just as well that the aftermath of camp was that it seemed almost like the camp never happened. like blacking out a traumatising experience.

i immediately launched myself into working at the airport after the camp so that i could make up for my spendthrift habits. when i feel stressed out, i shop - thinking that i deserve to reward myself with a particular purchase when in fact i have no income. it would seem almost like i had no time to enjoy myself, but i must remind myself that i already had an overseas trip with friends and that must suffice for the rest of the year - the time for globetrotting is not now.

i can't help but thing that i have wasted my summer away. and with my failure to get the required number of mods for the new term, everything seems in flux. i can't help but feel like i have no idea what to do with myself.

one of my ns juniors gave me a shoutout in his birthday reflection. and i wonder what i could possibly have to offer or have offered him when he credits me with having taught him much during his ns term.